On the bus I get mean, and sometimes I'm afraid that the bus Jessica is the Real Me. I start wondering why two people so stupid and ugly keep making babies, I mean GROSS! Or why that old man gets on the bus every day and goes back up to Cornell, even though he's way too old to be really working and everyone there must feel all sorry for him because he doesn't have anything better to do. There isn't even anything to do on campus besides shop, and who wants all that stupid Cornell stuff? I'm never going to school here! I'm going far from here, either to UCLA or Brown or Northwestern or SUNY Cobleskill. Cornell sucks. Except for hockey. Hockey rules and I don't kow if they play hockey at UCLA because it's not very cold there. Anyway, I hate riding the bus some days because everyone is such a loser and even when I sit on the outside and put my earbuds in people want to sit down next to me and I have to move over. Someone fat - gross! - and it wouldn't hurt you to stand up, lady cow, it burns calories! But, see, that's what I'm talking about, because in real life I'm super-nice and friendly! Ask my friends! Christy and Eric and Rain and August and Andrea - they all totally like me. Except for August and Eric. I think they're mad at me because it seems like they hate me. Sometimes I think they all hate me because some days I'm fat and disgusting and I hate me, so why wouldn't they? I got a zit this morning and even the stupid fat losers on the city bus didn't want to sit down next to me. I make me sick!!! I feel so gross.

My mom wants to go shopping on Saturday. Why can't she get her own friends?? Except, if I go with her, she'll probably get me whatever I want, even the low-rise jeans at the Gap if we have lunch first and she's not so grouchy. She eats all the time - seriously- she's eating like three or four times a day. I eat an ice cream sandwich for lunch, but she makes me eat something for dinner that was a plant once. I'm trying to lose five pounds by the wekend so I don't look like a cow at Andrea's pool party. I'm so gross. 112 pounds. I look totally disgusting.

Andrea is acting so immature - what is she, 12? She says something ridiculous about me and laughs like a big idiot about some joke no one else gets. I want to smash her stupid face in and laugh really hard and see how she likes it.

On the way home I have to ride with Mrs. Loud. Her voice could, like, break glass. She's so stupid, too, and I can't get her voice to stay out of my head even when I turn my Nano way up. She should be one of those tour guides or a teacher who shoves knowledge into your ears whether you want it or not. Except, she's not saying anything smart or funny and the only knowledge she shoves into your ears is how much she paid this week to fix her stupid car. And she's always talking to some other stupid woman who acts like its the most interesting thing she's ever heard and I want to smash both their faces in and see if they think that's interesting.

I heard this great group, Aerosmith, and I told my mom she should hear them, but she just laughed. Whatever, it's your loss.

I just started yoga and I'm getting so enlightened!!! It makes me feel really super calm except that it lasts too long and I get bored. It's still pretty cool, though, and I get filled with great love and peace. That's why I hate riding home with loud, ugly, stupid, fat people because they ruin it for me. Why can't I have a car??? I'll be driving by next summer and should definitely have a car ready. It doesn't have to be new. I keep telling my parents it could be like a 2009 or a 2008. If it's something like a Beemer or a Mini Cooper it could be a 2007, because they hold their value longer. That's what I'll say to Dad, because it's pointless to talk to him about what's cool. He still thinks his PT Cruiser is cool. If I had my own car I would probably never get mad again because I'd never, ever have to hear stupid people talk.